Has it really been exactly that long? It's been almost a year but I like the title that way, it's more catchy. Putting that aside it has been a long time since I have last logged in much else wrote any entry to my blog. I bet a lot of people who knew me will be thinking and saying that "that is just typical of Faisal", you're partly correct in thinking so because I do blame myself for the happenings in my life lately. Before you jump into conclusion, let me just state here that nothing real bad has happened, it's just life as we know it (or should I say, life as most of us are learning to understand). For those who expect to skim and scan I'm sorry… my promise is that this will be a lengthy one. I haven't been writing for quite some time and would have problem in deciding what to write first.
To be true to the noble purpose of this blog, let's talk about my life as a teacher in SMK Tongod. If I have to be honest, I would say that in the sense of being a nine-month-old teacher, I have failed myself. Not miserably, but I'd say, I have failed and I'm not proud of it. To those who've been waiting for this moment of my downfall, savour it while you can because I'm telling you, I'm not going to quit. This is what frustrates me even more. The fact that I know (deep inside and all over the outside) that I want to be a teacher. Ever since I entered the twinning programme, I was convinced that this is what I want to do. But only after nine months of being in put into the reality, I'd be lying if I say that it didn't occur to me that maybe, just maybe, I should have a peek at other alternatives. I know, I haven't gone into the detail of why I felt that I am a failure as a teacher, don't worry we're almost there. As a teacher in general, I felt that I am just a decent teacher. On a scale to ten, I'll put myself at 4and a half and this is in a school where most of the teachers are 6's and 7's with some 9's. How do I rate myself in the general category? : Ability to finish tasks and complete paperwork on time, ability to be punctual and remember specific duties and the ability to converse and deal with parents.
As an English teacher, I'm a '3'. Huhu, tears in my eyes (typical me aye?). I give myself 3 out of ten and do not try to console me by saying that I'm being harsh on myself because I wish that I had done that a long time ago. Long before the life and future of real human being are put at risk on my undeserving shoulder. I know that I have failed to be the English teacher that I was supposed to be for the last nine month. What do I expect? The people and government invested soo much money, giving me the education that I was supposed to make full use of in equipping the future generation with knowledge that they really need (easily put into words aren't they?). Frankly speaking, I would say that I am facing problems, not merely a problems but several ranging from the ones that I know exactly the solution, to the one that I'm clueless about.
Let's get to the obvious, I PROCRASTINATE! That would have to be a big No No as a teacher… in fact as a human being. I'm working on it now, so please help me… tease me, text me or email me when you see that I'm slowing down. I realize that a lot of inefficiencies in my work are usually caused by the fact that I end up doing them hastily… for the sake of just doing it. Plus, I'm lazy. It's a bonus and I don't see that it need any elaboration.
Secondly, and the most important thing is that I personally felt that I have been experimenting too much. There's just so many things that I try but usually it was not planned properly resulting into poor implementation. I have to start being objective and selective with what I want and have to do next year. I have to learn to be selective and also not to try to teach too much at a time cos no one win if I do. Next, I was thinking of getting rid of the idea of using L1 in class (I was a strong believer before… huhu), personally I felt that my students are getting more harm than benefits from it. My justification is simple; I used to tell everyone that the problem with my students is that they are not exposed to the learning environment and more importantly they are not exposed to the language. And there I go contradicting my own opinion by using about 50 percent of Malay in the class. I amazed with my own ignorance. I plan to bring the environment to them next year. Please help me with ideas if you guys got any. It's going to be hard work, seeing that I'm going to teach form 1,2,3,4,and 5 next year. Fuh! Wish me luck! I promise that I won't make it any easier for my students either, coz it's definitely gonna be hard for them to master English, but I'm gonna make it fun. Hope that I'll succeed.
For the sanity of my vanity, let me boast a lil bit with what's in store for me this coming year. I think that it would look more impressive if I put it in bullet form rite? So here it goes:
- Class teacher for Form 5 Beta
- English Teacher Form 5 Beta
- Moral Edu. Teacher Form 5 Beta
- English Teacher Form 4 Alpha
- English Teacher Form 3 Beta
- English Teacher Form 2 Alpha
- English Teacher Form 1 Beta
- Coordinator for Illiterate Programme (60% of form one students couldn't read in Malay)
- Scholarship Teacher
- Secretary for PISMP (Math Science in English)
- Co- coordinator (Library)
Fuh! I'm exhausted even just typing them. Will I survive? I don't know for sure. I really hope to shine this year, so wish me all the best that you guys can. K, that's all for now. Cheers mate!